I Don’t Know!

I remember our first youth pastorate position, in Kansas City in1979.  An official from that denomination we were a part of, came to teach us the ethics of being a pastor.  The main point was, Never Admit you don’t know the answer or show weakness!  If someone asks a question that you don’t know the answer, affirm them that their question is a great one, then instruct them to research until we meet again next week.  In the mean time this gives you the time to find the answer.  This was a tough one for me to swallow because I felt dishonesty and taking a position of superiority was wrong.

Being my first pastoral position, there was a ton I did not know.  So my insecurity of not knowing much along with the pressure to pretend exhausted me. 

I’ve always been driven to learn more and discover answers, and am constantly pushed to stretch and grow to be more capable of serving people.  But more importantly, within this scary space of honesty and choosing to pretend, lies the chance of missing a divine moment.  In this terrorizing moment, I now believe it’s a set up for the miraculous.

In my life I’ve always wondered if I could find a Scripture that gives me guidance and direction to hear the whisper, feel the nudge of the Holy Spirit?  Is there a Scripture telling me what to do to cover my blind spots and experience something glorious?

I’ve gained great insights from Romans 8 on this subject.  Paul says that we know that all of creation is frustrated by its’ bondage and decay, and groans for the sons of God to discover their redemptive and restorative calling to be agents of freedom, wholeness and change.

Later Paul says, and we know that all things work together for the good to those who love Him and are called to His purposes.

But wedged in between all of this knowing, Paul says, but I don’t know how to pray!  Then he goes on to say, but the Holy Spirit knows the prayers of the Father and anxiously waits to pray them for us and through us!  Reading this I am trying to put myself in Paul’s shoes and grasp how this new found truth must be bouncing around the edges of his mind?

Do you see this in between spot of Not Knowing Something, and Admitting It? Paul discovered the potential of stepping into this insecure place that would become the very spot of God’s Glory, just from honestly admitting you Don’t Know!

Imagine a desperate, low moment becoming a magic moment from simply and openly stepping into this in-between place!  Paul knows much about his past, present and future; but in this very honest, vulnerable place, he refuses to pretend and admits, I Don’t Know!

Imagine never allowing yourself to go to this in-between place with no frame of reference of the Glory of God sweeping you off of your feet, taking your breath away, where the miraculous encounters that embarrassing place of insecurity.  It has to be from experience that Paul says, “In my weakness He is made strong!”

So, Paul doesn’t know how to pray, verbalizes his dilemma, pauses, takes the leap, and here comes the Holy Spirit with a prayer purely from Father. 

Reminds me of the time Brennan Manning put his hands softly on each side of Carol’s face, during a hurtful stuck place in her life.  As he looked into her eyes he said, “The Father is so very fond of You!”  These wondrous, surprising words became the marker that propelled her forward in her journey of healing, wholeness and hope.

What do you think keeps you from going to that place of, I Don’t Know?

Have you ever had trouble hearing God’s voice in seeking direction or making a major decision? 

Don’t let self ever keep you from admitting, I Don’t Know!